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sheshe030

you can see what WHOKNEW wrote down at the bottom of this page. It is posted here not in her site..

hugs

Starshine

This is a great post Who Knew,

I needed to hear this as well. I am not in the same position as that teacher for my husband brings in income. However, I have the same issue with the 'guilt thing', always trying to help others or worried about others. The problem is that it has affected my health & my mind.

I think for alot of us females, its the way we were raised. Those mothers really know how to 'lay the guilt trip' on you. Its like they instilled it in you unless you 'do for them' & for others that     G-d will not bless you. Then for alot of us females we are just naturally 'motherly' and want to save the world. Because we are such 'giving' people others know they can depend on 'us'. This makes for alot of people looking to us to solve their 'issues' rather than looking to themselves or to the L-rd. And,the more we give the more others 'take'.

And,you are so right the stress & guilt is not healthy. I can attest to that.

Thank you for your post. It is quite liberating.

It may be hard to help everyone all the time, you need to think about your family first and than the needs of others. I am sure that your husband may have had good reasons for quitting a job, he does need to move forward and help his family as well.  As Christmas approaches this year, it a time to reflect not on the need for giving gifts but for the true meaning of the season. Being unemployed myself, I will still find some things that I can do to help others during this time of year. Help at a local food pantry or soup kitchen, it will bring so much more joy into your life than buying something. The people that you help will appreciate what you are doing and you are giving to your community. Last year I didn't celebrate Christmas as my sister passed away a few weeks earlier. I may not have decked the house out and did what we consider normal for the season, but I still put a food box on the doorstep of a family that needed help and I picked up a few small items for adult patinets at the local state hospital who have no families. Christmas is not just a time to give and receive gifts, but a time to help those around us who are less fortunate. I don't just do these things at Christmas but all year as the need is not just at this time of year. Don't fret about what you can't do, but think of ways to do little things all the time for others.

Let's look at this situation for what it is - misplaced guilt.

First of all, why would your husband QUIT a job in this economy?  You are working 2 jobs and he isn't working at all? Plus, YOU stood out in the cold for a gift for your child, where was hubby? 

Next, let's look at your other statement: 

I'm supposed to be a leader in my community, by donating food, toys for tots, and gifts for my students in my minority majority, high poverty school. 

You are only 1 person. You have a family to support. You cannot possibly save an entire community. You work all day, everyday, to help these kids - what more is expected of you? Is all this in your contract as a teacher? OR is this something you FEEL you need to do?  If it is in your contract, then it is unreasonable. If this is something you feel you need to do, then you need to re-prioritize. Again, your family has only 1 income, you have one child.

You stated that another family lost their only child. How would you feel if you gave to others, but denied your only child, and then your child was gone?

The Christmas season is supposed to be a time of joy.  Do NOT ruin it with stress and guilt about what you cannot possibly do. 

I do suggest you give yourself a gift - counseling. While your concern for others is truly admirable, please try to understand that all this stress and guilt is NOT healthy. But there has to be an underlying reason for it and there is a happy medium to be found.